Fun for a night or two a year, too much otherwise. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. Meanwhile, there are fewer property crimes in my very small town than there are in hers, and we havent had a murder since the 1990s. So I understand, at some level, where the husband is coming from when he thinks about these horrible things happening to his spouse. Yeah Im kind of surprised people are acting like theyve never heard anything bad about Vegas. This makes me so mad on behalf of the OP! Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. Is it only the Vegas trip where he has the outsized reaction or is there some anxiety for safety around all trips? That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. Then everyone is sober. But honestly? I dont know, I think you are underestimating how the Internet has magnified the echo chamber effect. Couples counselling isnt about sharing blame as it is figuring out problems in the relationship and working together to find solutions. Good points. She Won't Tell Her Husband the Gender of Their Baby Because He Refused Meanwhile, Im building a scene in my head where shes been kidnapped and terrible things are happening to her. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. It is easy to go to Las Vegas and behave responsibly. (Also worth mentioning: The ways weve developed the concept of masculinity in the US mean that many guys express anxious feelings as anger, so look out for that too.) Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. Youre five minutes late? And people are all I wouldnt let my wife go we have done bigger problems here. Im wondering if perhaps your husband doesnt have the life experience of travelling to big cities and realizing that all of them are much different than portrayed in the media? I loved the weird, entertaining shows on the street, the warm evenings, the bustle and cheer. You cannot have a rational discussion with someone who is in an irrational state. Its not legal in Las Vegas, although theres probably a lot of escort services, youre probably thinking of Reno, where they have legal brothels that have to follow a ton of regulations. Yeah, my cousin isnt allowed to travel without her husband. I have one. Husband may be dealing with separation anxiety, and instead of communicating that, is using Las Vegas The reason companies go there is because theres big convention centers and lots of cheap flights. THANK you. One reputation of the city, deliberately played up in media, is that it is a raunchy sin city full of gamboling, sex, and wild parties. During the first trip I spent most of my time during the day sight-seeing by myself (or with tour groups) while my wife attended her conference and later meeting her and friends for dinner and evening events. Id seriously question the value of marriage counseling at this point, unless hes willing to fundamentally change his views of his power over another adult. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. Dont get hit by a car!! Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. I still tease her about it. My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. I think she was happier than I was when I got married because, in her words Mr. This is a man who is trying to actively sabotage her career. With NUNS. It is okay for you to make normal daily choices even if your husband feels anxious about them. I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. It ended up taking us 16 hours, but I didn't think it was bad at all. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. If my wife was going off just to gamble and get wasted with other dudes Id be against that too., I highly doubt he posed it as My wifes company keeps taking business trips to Las Vegas. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. Im going on a business trip to Vegas in a few weeks and Im grateful the conference is there rather then other difficult travel to destinations. Im sure he must have good qualities, but this isnt one of them. Agreed. The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. I would be surprised if it were anything more than a coincidence, but I think that reading that letter/advice/comments could be beneficial for this OP to see how it would likely be perceived if she did refuse to take the trip at her husbands behest. I said this above, but I read this phrase as his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. Youre adults. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. I mean seriously? etc.. For work, though, it is perfect. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. I would say most of his issues stem from his childhood trauma and some possible but undiagnosed Aspergers (he has closely observed human behavior to figure out whats expected, is a brilliant programmer, works on empathy). :-). I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. Sure, but hes also clearly controlling and very manipulative. So anything that could be perceived poorly at their church is not allowed. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. If your partner has been in therapy for years and isnt making progress, its very possible that their therapist doesnt have the full picture. The way I see it, OP, assuming youre not a serial cheater who constantly engages in risky behaviors when your spouse is not standing over you, your husband is either really insecure about your marriage, or really anxious in general. They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. So much wow. It sounds like theres a lot you two have to work through but if his primary concern is for your personal safety, as other folks have mentioned, Las Vegas is actually pretty safe for a big city. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off on a tangent.. Yup. One of my biggest gripes about Vegas is that most of the hotels wont allow food delivery carriers to deliver to your room. Hah. And the entertainment options are essentially endless. Marriage CounselingDefinitely. I dont think Ive ever paid more than $200/night in Vegas, often much less even after the resort fees are tacked on. Its definitely a huge red flag that your husband takes a winky tongue-in-cheek ad campaign that seriously. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. Scheduled calls are a great idea. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. This reminds me of when I studied abroad in London and my mom warned me about people like Jack the Ripper. rarely cede ground. Its like the least romantic version of the old I wore her down until she agreed to go on a date, and now weve been married for 30 years trope. If it were me I would be seriously considering leaving the relationship especially if there are not already kids. (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? She should get out while she can, even if she has children. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. It seems a loving husband would have found a way for his wife to attend her best friends wedding. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. But it wont be easy. The ugliness. You need to do this to protect your relationship, because frequent anger is corrosive and damaging. It was still broad daylight, and I was with a group of fellow students. I think the intent is clear, though; its that the nameless sources would object to their spouses going. And dirt cheap which I am guessing is why so many business conferences are set at that location. I wouldnt want him to go with work but only because I wouldnt want him to go without me, its our place! In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. Its really way to easy to armchair diagnose, and its not helpful. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. Im going to Vegas and thats the end of discussion. I'm in the car right now with a 6-week-old on what is usually a 11-hour drive, which we broke up into two days with a night at a hotel midway. Being in Vegas to me would be about eating at fancy restaurants, doing the neon lights tour, etc. Thanks for the partially chewed chili on my keyboard. The letter writer husband is waving some pretty sizable red flags. Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. I usually find that veiled anxiety/fear of minorities is at the root of cities are dangerous and scary and you must never go out after dark fears, but rarely is it veiled so thinly. Case in point: my father is terrified of everyone he loves dying and leaving him alone, to the point where I, as a 32 year old, was expected to text him and let him know when I left work, when I got home from work, if I was going out, if I was changing locations, etc. The only people who would have a problem with visiting Las Vegas would be someone who has never been there! Im in business, so of course I know that a lot of conferences and normal things to do there, but its a little disingenuous to claim that a location that intentionally markets itself as Sin City doesnt at least have a rep for vice. If this resonates with you, OP, about your husbands behavior, something important to know is that there is no appeasing this line of thinking. Speaking as someone whos wife spent 8 months of 10 days on site near Chicago, 4 days home over the last year after 8 years of her doing essentially no business travel, I know spouse separation anxiety far better than I care to both on my part, and my wife. (Ive been to LV exactly once, for work. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. Yeah, there were some shady businesses. My ex boyfriend is telling lies about me to my family, especially to my I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. The Truth About Taking Separate Vacations. The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. Im not even sure how I would react to that. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. Either hes being very careful who he asks so that hes only asking people who would agree with him, or hes converting noncommittal answers (e.g., Yeah, I can see that youre upset) into See? I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. And to his credit, he cut it out. It is. Business trips are the only time I like going to Vegas. Sin City. (Great people that I wish I could work with.no real role for me in what they do, though.). Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. Really? A few weeks after I started a great job, my mother-in-law literally messaged me and my husband to ask if we were able to put food on the table and should she send us money, so I can relate. I worked 100 hours in 8 days. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. Its a him issue. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. Yeah, it might not be the safest if youre wandering around at night by yourself (just like anywhere, really), but aside from being irritated by the smoke in the casino areas, I had no issues whatsoever. If its a crippling anxiety issue, a solo visit to a therapist and their GP for anxiety meds might be more effective. Who thinks its normal to ask around if he should let his wife go on a business trip, etc. Business trips (and business trips to Las Vegas even) are such a normal part of work life that is is totally bizarre to expect you not to go simply because of the destination. The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. And the largest baggage-caroussel room Id ever seen and then I saw the OTHER baggage-caroussel room, that was unused at the time.
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